


I'm not a burden!

by nat_oliver



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Beorn's House, Bilbo almost dies, Bilbo is hurt and stubborn so he won't say a thing, But with a happy ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Constipated Thorin, Fainting, Fili and Kili are amazing friends, First Kiss, Fluffy, Forgiveness, Guilt, Happy Ending, Heartbreaking, Hurt Bilbo, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry Tolkien, It's not pushing him away that you'll show him you cares Thorin!, M/M, Oblivious Thorin, Overprotective Dwarves, Overprotective Thorin, Recovery, Serious Injuries, Stubborn Dwarves, Supportive dwarves, Thorin Has Issues, Thorin Is an Idiot, Thorin takes care of Bilbo, Verbal Humiliation, Very angst, bagginshield
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 23:31:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1583399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nat_oliver/pseuds/nat_oliver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo is badly wounded in the fight with Azog, but he doesn't notice. In the Carrock, when Thorin wakes up, instead of that hug he scolds Bilbo really harshly and says that he is a BURDEN.<br/>The hobbit is phisically and emotionally wounded. He prefers to suffer in silence, so Thorin is oblivious to the halfling's pain, until Bilbo pass out in his arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody, one more fic for "The Hobbit". I'm addicted in Bagginshield.  
> Well, first of all, thank you for reading this fic.   
> I am Brazilian, so english is not my first language, I have no beta so there will be a few mistakes, sorry, but I think everybody can understand the concept very well. I had the idea for this fic some years ago and now i'm finally writing it.   
> That fic i'd posted (which was not a fic, just a text askin for ideas) has been deleted. Sadly theres was complaining about it. I can't see why, really. I really wanted to fiil your prompts.   
> Well, you can read it now : )

 

 

 

Bilbo Baggins’ hands were shaking, the adrenaline was still running through his veins and his breathing was still slowing down. Bilbo knew that his body should be wounded somewhere - anyone who fights with orcs and wargs hardly come out of the fight unscathed - but he wasn’t feeling anything. Like his mother used to say _'his body had not cooled yet'_ at least that's what she always said when Bilbo fell and scraped his knees as he ran across the fields of the Shire and only realized the wound when he came home with leaves in his hair and and dirty clothes.

" _You're not feeling the pain now, but when your body cool down you will remember that you should have been more careful._ " She said while she was wiping his knees. He did not understand why his body had to be cold for him to feel the pain, but later he realized that it was the high level of adrenaline that would not let him notice pain.

At the moment, he could have lost an arm and he wouldn’t have noticed it.

However it was not just the adrenaline that would not let him see if he was hurt or not, other things were more important at the moment. Thorin Oakenshield had been badly injured during the fight with Azog and his white warg, and now - after the eagles had left them and the dwarves in the safety of the Carrock - Bilbo could see the blood on Thorin’s face and clothes and the fact that Thorin had not woke up yet was making him very nervous.

Gandalf was bent over him murmuring some words, Bilbo figured it was some enchantment or something. The dwarves were around Thorin but kept enough distance to not disturb the wizard who was trying to save the dwarf king. Fili and Kili were crying for their uncle who was more dead than alive. Bilbo was at a safe distance, internally praying for anyone who would listen. _Yavanna_ , _Mahal_ , he was begging and pleading for Thorin’s life.

Thorin could not die like this, not after Bilbo had finally understood and accepted what he felt for the dwarf king. Thorin was rude and stubborn as hell and he did not miss the opportunity to point out how Bilbo was weak, small and useless. That used to make Bilbo very angry, but the hobbit was a creature of gentle nature which tended to see the positive side of things. He knew Thorin had been through a lot and these things have hardened him. The dwarf was a warrior, survivor, and Bilbo was just a hobbit of Bag End, who had never fought in battles, who had not had his home taken by a dragon. They certainly had a disastrous beginning, but the hobbit come to admire Thorin’s perseverance and love for his family and his land.

Yes, Bilbo admired him and cared for him - which was easier to say than to admit he liked, _really liked_ , Thorin - and that's why he put himself between the dwarf and the pale orc and fought for him. In that moment, Bilbo’s intention was not to prove that he was not a burden, that he could fight if needed and get the approval of Thorin and the Company. Bilbo fought Azog because he could not see the dwarf die and that was the right thing to do. And now he prayed that his efforts had not been in vain.

Bilbo finally breathed when he saw Thorin beginning to stir.

"Where is the Halfling?" Thorin said hoarsely and Bilbo had never been so happy to be called _Halfling_.

"He's here." Gandalf said putting a hand on Thorin's arm to help him get up but the dwarf was very proud and shoved him away, fighting to stand on his wobbly legs. Bilbo was so happy that Thorin was alive, so a smile found its place on his face.

Thorin looked around for a second, he still looked dazed, his companions were approaching him, happy that their king was alive. Then his eyes landed on the hobbit who was distant from the group and Thorin’s eyes were so cold, void of any kindness.

"You!" He said harshly, his voice rumbling through the Carrock. "What were you doing? Didn’t you know you could get yourself killed?" Thorin stepped forward menacingly and Bilbo’s smile fell from his face.

Thorin was _angry_ with him? Why Thorin was angry? Bilbo looked to Gandalf confused. The Wizard looked back at the hobbit with the same expression. Even the dwarves who were celebrating the fact that Thorin was alive seemed shocked by the harshness of his words. Bilbo wanted to say something, but no words came to his mouth.

"Did I not say that you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild? That you had no place amongst us?" said Thorin and his eyes flashed with anger. "I've never been so **_right_** in all my life."

Thorin's words felt like arrows tossed at him, sharp and hurtful. A _burden_? Bilbo had just saved Thorin’s life. The Hobbit did not expect that Thorin would hug him and admit that he had been treating Bilbo very harshly, but he certainly wasn’t expecting this. There was a lump in Bilbo's throat, his eyes were stinging with tears that wanted to fall from his eyes but Bilbo fought against them with all his strength. Bilbo clenched his fists and managed to say:

"I. .. I did it on impulse." He tried to defend himself.

"Impulse?" Thorin said shaking his head. "I can not believe I agreed with this absurd idea of bringing you in this mission."

"I saved your life, Thorin Oakenshield!" Bilbo said extremely hurt, the tears burning his eyes but Bilbo was still fighting them, he would not cry in front of Thorin. "You were unconscious and if it wasn’t for me, Azog would have killed you!"

Thorin took a few steps forward and Bilbo refrained the urge to take a few steps back. He was _afraid_ of Thorin. The dwarf was stronger and much taller than him, and Thorin could be a very terrifying dwarf when he was angry.

"I have fought orcs and creatures worse than this since before you were born, you smug halfling, I can handle a fight." He snapped.

Thorin grabbed the collar of Bilbo’s shirt and lifted him a few inches off the ground. The hobbit heard the others dwarves asking Thorin to leave the hobbit alone, but he was too scared. Bilbo began to feel a horrible pain in his side and closed his eyes to try to ignore the pain and Thorin's eyes that looked so cold. He was injured and he was only realizing it now, on the worst moment possible. He tried to struggle, but Thorin's grip was strong. The Hobbit began to despair.

"Unfortunately, the success of our mission depends on you. I don’t know why Gandalf had chose you, of all people. You are immature and careless, and neither I nor any of my men have time to be your nanny. Why is so hard for you to understand this?" Thorin shook Bilbo.

"Thorin ..." Bilbo squealed, begging with his eyes for him to stop.

"Are you hurt?" Thorin asked sharply. "You’re useless to me if you die."

Bilbo looked into the eyes of the dwarf. He didn’t care about the hobbit, he never cared. Bilbo was merely a tool for the dwarf to reach his goal, nothing more. A tool that is useless if it is broken. Bilbo felt so foolish for have believed that Thorin would care about him. Bilbo felt even more foolish to think that Thorin could love him. How could he? He had been humiliating Bilbo from day one, making it clear that the hobbit meant absolutely nothing to him. At that moment something changed inside Bilbo.

The hobbit looked into Thorin’s eyes. His expression was no longer scared. Bilbo was looking at him now as cold as Thorin, maybe even more.

"No. I'm not hurt, Thorin. "Bilbo said through clenched teeth.

"Good." He said releasing the hobbit who fell sitting on the ground. Bilbo bit his lip to keep from screaming in pain. "Try to stay alive until we reach the mountain."

The king turned to his company and began walking away from the hobbit. All the dwarves had a startled look when they saw their king acting so harshly to the hobbit who only helped him. Bilbo saw Gandalf walking away from the group to try to talk to Thorin and the other dwarves began to move to find a place to sleep, Fili and Kili however went to Bilbo, who was still sitting on the ground, to comfort him.

"Don’t take what he said so seriously." Fili said kneeling beside the hobbit and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"He doesn’t know how to deal with stress." Kili amended.

"He yelled at me for two hours when I broke my arm when I was a _dwarfling_."

Bilbo was still silent. The two brothers exchanged worried looks.

"Bilbo ..." Kili said taking Bilbo's hand between his. "Thorin will not say it, but I will. Thank you for risking your life to save our uncle. You are brave and you’re part of this company as much as any of us. "

Bilbo looked Kili and sighed. Fili and Kili were good people, very different from his uncle.

"You can go, lads. I… I need a minute." Bilbo said looking away.

The brothers exchanged another worried look but respected Bilbo’s desire of being alone. Bilbo was sad and it was noticeable that the hobbit was holding back tears. Bilbo waited until they were far away and rose from the ground, wincing in pain. Carefully Bilbo touched his side and felt an immense pain. Gritting his teeth, he unbuttoned his red waistcoat and saw that the shirt he wore underneath it was soaked with blood. With a trembling hand he lifted his shirt and saw that there was a large deep cut on his side just below his ribs.

The tears finally broke through his eyes. His shoulders shook with his sobs. He was wounded, badly wounded, but he would not give Thorin the pleasure to see him whining. No sir. He would not be a _burden_.

Bilbo buttoned his waistcoat and wiped the tears from his face with the sleeve of his shirt. Wincing in pain he stood on shaky legs and began his walk to the camp that was being settled.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!  
> One more chapter of this fic, sorry about the delay.  
> This chapter is very angsty, i've cried writing it. But don't worry, things will be better soon.  
> Thanks for reading!!

Thorin was really fast when he wanted to avoid a conversation, Gandalf mused as he followed the dwarf away from the camp that was being settled in a clearing near a stream. Thorin walked with long strides up to the trees, trying to outwit the wizard. " _Stubborn Dwarf!_ " Gandalf thought.

"Thorin!" Gandalf said when he managed to reach the dwarf king. "Was that really necessary?" The wizard asked blocking the way.

As much as Bilbo was a _Took_ and consequently a little foolish, he did not deserved those harsh words.

"He could have died!" Thorin said sharply.

"You could have died too, Thorin Oakenshield, and the reason why we here having this conversation is because that hobbit had put your well being in front of his." Gandalf said as if he were scolding a child. "A little gratitude would suit you well."

"I need him alive!" Thorin began to pace. "How I can concentrate on our mission if every two minutes that Halfling jumps in some kind of danger? He’s so small, so breakable ..."

Gandalf opened his mouth to say something but stopped when Thorin's words made sense.

"You have a very odd way of showing concern." Gandalf said with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not ..." Thorin hesitated. "I..." the dwarf king snorted. "He put himself and the success of our mission in danger. What for?"

"Bilbo is not a dwarf and he has no obligation to follow you, but he does it because he admires and respects you. He knows he may not return and see his beloved shire again, but he's still here. That doesn't mean anything to you?"

Thorin just looked at Gandalf, half shocked by the words of the wizard and half confused.

"Thorin, you are so blind." Gandalf nodded. "I suggest that you go to Bilbo and try to fix what you’ve done."

"A King don’t take back his word." Thorin snapped before turning his back to Gandalf.

" _Stubborn Dwarf!_ " Gandalf muttered to himself as he saw Thorin walking away toward the camp.

****

When Bilbo finally arrived at the camp a few painful minutes later, all the dwarves were focused on their tasks. Oin was taking care of the injured ones, Bombur and Bofur were preparing the meal, Balin and Ori were checking what was left of their provisions, Fíli and Kíli were in the first watch and the rest were busy with their own things. The sun had just risen, but the company was tired, and they needed some rest before they could resume the traveling. Gandalf was leaning against a tree with his pipe in a hand. He looked at Bilbo but made no comment about what happened. " _Don't look at me_." Bilbo thought. He did not want their pity, he was feeling bad enough without the weight of their stares on his back. Bilbo could hear them muttering " _poor halfling_ " as he walked and it was humiliating.

But Thorin was nowhere to be found. "It's better this way." Bilbo did not know if he could handle being in Thorin's presence in that moment. He did not know how he would look into those icy-blue eyes again without feeling a knot in his stomach. How could he not feel disappointed? All we wanted was to rest, sleep and not think about it for a few hours at least.

Bilbo wanted to scream. There was so much anger inside him that he thought he might explode at any moment. He wanted to lie down and cry, but he could not do that, he would not give reason for Thorin to call him weak never again.

Bilbo found a spot where the grass was soft under a tree a little bit far from where the dwarves were and he decided that there would be a good place to rest. Bilbo sat on the ground and leaned against the tree, wincing in pain. The wound becoming painfully noticeable again. Bilbo bit his lip and closed his eyes trying to distract his mind from the pain.

Even though the sunlight was bothering him, he would try to get some sleep. And that would be on the hard ground. Few dwarves had managed to keep their travel bags during the tour in Goblin Town, and now Bilbo had nothing but the clothes on his back. One more thing on the long list of annoying things that have happened to him since he had accepted following Thorin, just to be constantly humiliated, even having saved his life.

_If only regret could kill..._

No. His mother raised him better that that. Bilbo did what was right, he couldn’t have left Thorin to die like that. It didn’t matter that he was an idiot.

"Bilbo?" The Hobbit heard a small voice call him very close to him and he risked opening an eye.

Ori was there kneeling beside him. Bilbo had been so focused on shut his mind that he had not realized that the young dwarf had approached, he had a bag in his hands and looked apologetically to Bilbo.

"Most of us have lost our belongings, but I managed to keep my bag." He said, then he began to look for something inside the bag. "I know it's not much, but you have lost yours, so..."

He took a blanket from the bag and handed it to Bilbo.

"I can’t take it, it's yours." Bilbo said looking away.

"I brought two." Ori said. "Please."

Bilbo looked at the blanket Ori was offering him and again he had to fight the tears that wanted to fall from his eyes. The hobbit was really touched by the attitude of the young dwarf. The lad was gentle and kind with everyone and he could not expect less from him.

"Thank you, Ori." Bilbo said hoarsely and accepted the gift.

"The food will take a while, you can bathe on the stream in the meantime."

"Yeah, I think it would be a good idea." Bilbo said wearily. Then he looked at Ori and cleared his throat. "Ori, do you have any needle and thread with you?"

"Needle and thread? What for?" He asked puzzled.

"Look at my waistcoat, I lost all my buttons. A respectable hobbit of Bag End can not walk around in such poor conditions." He said, faking a smile and hoping that Ori would believe him. He hated have to lie to a friend.

Bilbo’s words seemed to make sense to Ori, cause he smiled and nodded.

"Yes, I do have needle and thread." He said and started looking for the items in his bag. "Nori said I should bring it in case I needed to stitch myself." Dwarf shuddered at the idea. "I guess I would not have the guts to do it."

"Me neither." Bilbo replied looking away.

Soon Ori found a small box that fit in the palm of his hand, a small box made of silver. The dwarf offered the box to Bilbo who thanked him with a nod.

The dwarf smiled at Bilbo one last time before he stand and walk away towards his companions, leaving the hobbit alone.

Bilbo put the box in his pocket. He stood up and laid the blanket on the ground as a bedroll, leaving it ready for when he came back from the stream. He took a deep breath and headed to the stream, thinking. How could he do what should be done?

Firstly, he chose a place far from the camp. There was a place on the bank that had some rocks, big enough to hide him. Perfect. Then Bilbo sat down on the bank of the stream with his feet touching the water and it was surprisingly comforting. The hobbit began to undress, praying that no one would show up by surprise. Bilbo took off his cloak, his coat, his waistcoat, placing them carefully folded by his side, far from the water. When he saw his shirt drenched in blood he held back a whimper.

"Be strong, Bilbo." He muttered.

Bilbo took his shirt off and a looked at the damage. The cut was not as deep as he was afraid it was, but it would need stitches nonetheless. Considering that the cut was right below his ribs, he had a lot of luck. Bilbo reached for his coat and began to search in his pockets for the box that Ori had given him and for a handkerchief he knew he had. _Ah, handkerchiefs_. That handkerchief was given to him by Elrond before they left Rivendell, it had green leaves embroidered on it and it was very soft. It was a shame that Bilbo would have to use it. The handkerchief was large enough and Bilbo used his knife to tear it into strips. With the improvised washcloth Bilbo began to clean the dried blood from the wound and his skin. The pain was horrible, but he knew he had to keep going.

When the wound was clean enough, Bilbo opened the box and picked up the spool of thread and the sharp needle. He took a deep breath and put the thread on the needle, the same way he did before when he had to sew his clothes. The problem was that this time he had to sew himself.

With trembling hands he brought the needle to the cut for him to start with the stitches, but he hesitated. Bilbo grunted. He couldn’t do it.

Bilbo began to cry again. He felt so helpless. He was a hobbit, he was not made for that kind of thing. Hobbits should have a quiet life, the worst pain that a hobbit should feel would be a wooden splinter in their finger and it was far from being a splinter. That was so wrong. This was not the first nor the last time that Bilbo longed to be back in his hobbit hole in Bag End.

"No. You can do this. "

Bilbo gritted his teeth and begun the first stitch. Bilbo almost screamed in pain as the needle and then the thread went through his flesh, but he could not stop. When the first stitch was made, Bilbo braced himself for the next. He could not see very well what he was doing and he believed he was making a mess. Each stitch was torture. Blood gushed from the wound and tears fell from his eyes, but Bilbo made no noise as he was closing the wound. In each wave of pain, he thought of his mother soothing him like she did when he was a child.

When Bilbo finished the last stitch he let out a shaky breath and laid down on the ground to regain his strength. He still had some things he needed to do, but he had no strength to do anything. He just lay there, feeling the cold earth beneath him. The pain was different now, it was no longer sharp as before, now it was a throbbing pain. Bilbo could not tell which one was the worst.

A few minutes later, Bilbo sat down again. First he tried to wash the shirt soaked with blood. Well, the shirt would be stained, but Bilbo couldn’t care less. He laid the shirt on a rock that was hot because of the sun and soon his shirt would be dry. Meanwhile he began to bathe, to clean the blood and dirt of the rest of his body. He used another strip of the handkerchief and tried to clean himself the best he could.

Clean, sewed, dressed and tired, Bilbo returned to the camp. He wondered how long he had taken to bathe in the stream, because most of the dwarves were already asleep in their bedrolls. Bilbo was grateful that no one had gone looking for him. Silently the hobbit headed to his spot where the borrowed blanket was waiting for him, but something was wrong. There was two blankets beside his. Bilbo blinked confused.

"Why did you choose a spot so far from the others?" Bilbo heard a voice behind him and he turned to see Kíli looking at him with an expression strangely stern. Bilbo was taken aback, because this Thorin-look did not suit him.

"The grass is soft." He said lamely.

"You’re not going to get away from us so easily, Bilbo. After our shift is finished, Fíli and I will stay with you." Bilbo opened his mouth to say something but Kíli interrupted him. “And there's no use arguing. Here." Bilbo had not noticed but Kíli was holding a bowl of food that now was being offered to Bilbo. "I knew you would take long there, so I saved some food for you. Is not so hot though."

"Thank you, Kíli, but I'm not hungry.”

"I'm not _asking_ if you're hungry, Master Baggins." Kíli approached, grabbed his wrist and placed the bowl in his right hand. "I'm _saying_ that you will eat. I can’t sit down and see you closing in yourself. You’re trying to distance yourself from the others, acting as if you wanted to disappear.”

"I'm not ..."

"Yes, you are. And I don’t want to see that sadness in your face, that's not the _Bilbo_ I know."

Bilbo sighed and hugged Kili. He tried, he really tried not to cry again, but this feeling was so overwhelming. Bilbo never had many friends in the Shire, but he knew that it was in the worst moments of life and in the small gestures like that that he would find true friends. Ori, Fili and Kili were certainly the best friends he could have wished.

Kíli's hand accidentally brushed in his wounded side and Bilbo shuddered and turned away from the young dwarf.

"Are you alright Bilbo?" Kili asked worriedly.

"Y-yeah." Bilbo stammered. "Just a little sore." He faked a smile. He was getting good at it.

Kíli did not seem too convinced but did not ask anything. With a nod he walked away and returned to his post beside Fíli. Bilbo sighed and sat on his bedroll to eat, hoping that his injury would heal soon, he would hate to keep lying to his friends.

He did not realize that Thorin was watching everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me if you liked it! 
> 
> : )


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!!!  
> This chapter is a look at Thorin's mind and his reasons.   
> Things are still pretty angsty, but don't worry, fluffy times are comming.  
> Sorry about the mistakes, I'm a little sad these days, some family problems. My siblings are jerks and they don't care about my mother, who don't have the health to deal with their antics. I'm the only one who cares about her.  
> I was so pissed yesterday, so I wrote. It's still better than drink, i guess.   
> Well, let's read!

Anyone who looked at Thorin Oakenshield would say he was surly, emotionally constipated and some would even say he was cruel.

But he wasn’t like that without a reason.

Thorin had seen and experienced many things that have hardened his heart. His home and his family had been taken from him before his eyes, he was the heir of a broken kingdom and over his shoulders was the weight of the responsibility to retrieve the glory of his people. In his world, he couldn’t show weakness, he was the King, his people needed him and if he would have to be harsh to his kin and seen as cruel to achieve this, so be it. When Erebor belonged to the dwarves again and they could walk freely in the halls under the mountain, then perhaps Thorin would find peace as well and maybe he would find someone to rule Erebor by his side...

But now wasn’t the time for him to be _soft_.

So you can imagine how he felt when Gandalf introduced him to a small hobbit with blond curly hair, ridiculous bright blue eyes, a outrageously beardless face and a skin that should be so smooth to the touch - not that Thorin was thinking about touching Bilbo’s skin, no way - And he was so small. Fíli and Kíli, his nephews, were the youngest of the company, and Thorin had had his doubts on bringing them on this quest, then that Halfling showed up and he managed be smaller than their nephews.

But that was only the beginning of the problem. Bilbo was as soft on the inside as he was outside. He was too gentle, too friendly, and too emotional. With the corner of his eye Thorin saw the way Bilbo talked to his nephews, how he closed his eyes to not see Bofur gutting squirrels and other animals that would feed them. For Mahal's sake! If the lad could not even look at a squirrel how would he face the dangers that this quest would bring?

Probably Bilbo would die because of his kind nature and that thought was too painful. In fact, any thought concerning the halfling suffering any kind of injury was painful for Thorin, especially when orcs were involved in the matter. And he had no idea why. This confusion about his feelings and the way how Bilbo seemed to attract this kind of threat was enough to make Thorin grumpy all day, so no one could blame him for speaking so harshly to Bilbo. Sometimes, Thorin thought he did this on purpose and that was so frustrating...

****

Thorin could see flames in the trees around them. The very tree in which he, the dwarves and the halfling were trying to shield from the attack was almost falling down the precipice. They were surrounded by orcs and then, Thorin saw _him_ between them. Azog, the pale orc, mounted on his white warg. He had more scars on his ugly face and of course, the arm that Thorin had taken from him had been replaced by a kind of harpoon. Hateful, demonic, just like Thorin remembered him.

The orc smiled at him, he _smiled_ as if he was saying "We meet again, I bet you did not expect that." And at that moment Thorin knew, Azog would never stop hunting him wherever he was.

Thorin turned his head and looked at his companions who were clinging on the branches of that tree for dear life. The fear was stamped on their faces. There was no way out of this situation: they could fall off the precipice or fight hundreds of orcs who were filling the valley. Anyway, they would face certain death tonight and all that Thorin could think about was that this was his fault. He should have made sure that Azog was dead. He, as their king, should have made sure. Now they were there, trapped like rats in a trap. His companions, the ones who responded to his call, they would die because of a mistake he had made and that was terrible. How could Thorin look to his companions in the afterlife if he let that happen? How could he look at his grandfather? But above all, how could he look at Bilbo?

No, he would not let that happen.

Thorin Oakenshield looked again at the orc. He knew that the battle would be fought by just the two of them. He stood up and brandished his sword, walking toward the pale orc.

The first blow of Azog’s mace was merciless. Thorin fell to the ground, the pain was running through his body but he could not stop, he would not let any harm come to his companions, he would not let any harm come to the halfling. He rose from the ground using his sword to steady him and tried to hit the orc, but he was knocked down again, and the white warg dug his fangs into his flesh. The pain was incredible and he could hear Azog laughing echoing through the valley.

When the warg threw Thorin on that stone, he thought " _That’s it. I'm going to die here. I’ve failed_." His body was broken and he could feel the eyes of his companions on him. He knew they were disappointed. But of all the places where his dying mind could have gone, it was funny that his last thought would be the _halfling_.

Why would he think about Bilbo instead of Erebor? Why did he care that much about the hobbit? Thorin knew the reason, he knew it since the beginning, and he was just too blind to see this before. He loved Bilbo. That was the reason why Thorin was so hard on him. He wouldn’t admit that there was a part of him that was capable of loving. He wanted to distance himself from the hobbit because that part of his heart that loved him would be destroyed if something bad happened to him.

It wasn’t fair that only on the verge of death he realized this, and now it was too late.

Then he saw with half-lidded eyes, the said Halfling running to him and putting himself between him and Azog and brandishing his ' _sword_ ' to protect him.

" _No!_ " Thorin tried to scream to prevent Bilbo from doing that, but he couldn’t. He wanted to say to Bilbo to run and hide, for him to be safe, but his lips did not move. His vision was getting blurry. When he closed his eyes, the last thing he saw was Azog approaching Bilbo and then the darkness claimed him.

Well, he did not die. When he awoke in the Carrock, the first thing he did was to ask for Bilbo. When Thorin saw him smiling, alive and beautiful, rather than taking the hobbit in his arms and kiss him, he had said terrible things. It was fear that made Thorin say all those hurtful words, fear that it could happen again and then the hobbit would not be so lucky. He had acted like a fool because he was scared that he might lose _his_ Halfling, that was too naive to understand the danger they had been in.

He was sure that he had said things that really had hurt Bilbo, but it was not as if the hobbit were harboring feelings for him anyway. How could he? Thorin was a rude dwarf, a king without a throne, someone who hadn’t done anything but intimidate him from the beginning. Bilbo would never love him. Actually, Thorin had a suspicion that the hobbit was afraid of him. Okay, he could live with that.

When Gandalf came to talk with him, he knew the wizard was right. Bilbo did not deserve those words. Someday, things would be different. Someday, Thorin would fix it and he would shower Bilbo with the finest gems of Erebor, he would cover him with kisses and caresses and would say over and over again how beautiful and brave and special Bilbo was.

“But that day is not today.” He thought. “Not yet.”

****

Thorin was leaning against a tree. Oin had taken care of his wounds, and now he was just resting. He was behind the trees when saw Bilbo left the camp to go to the stream to bathe while dinner was being prepared. He was quiet there, just watching, counting the minutes until Bilbo returned. Usually, the hobbit did not take long when he went to clean himself - perhaps because he had less hair on his body - but that day he took forever.

Thorin was about to get up and look for the hobbit himself when he saw him coming slowly towards the camp with his blond hair dripping water. He looked tired and miserable and Thorin felt guilt.

So Kíli approached him with a bowl of food and the two exchanged a few words. Thorin could not understand what they were saying, but Bilbo did not look happy. Then, to his surprise, Bilbo hugged Kíli and seemed like he was to crying on his shoulder for a moment.

What Thorin wouldn’t have given to be in Kilí’s place, in order to comfort his Halfling.

Then Thorin saw Bilbo shudder and almost pushing Kíli away when the young dwarf touched his side. Thorin could hear Bilbo saying he was just a little sore. Somehow it did not seem right.

He would find out what was happening to his Halfling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please, please, tell me if you liked it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody!  
> Thank you very much for reading this fic, I'm impressed with all the feedback.  
> A little more angst, sorry, don't be mad. Fluffy times are comming, just trust me.  
> The Talk between Balin and Thorin is in italic because it's in Khuzdul.  
> Well, I hope you like this chapter, I'll post more soon.  
> Keep reading!!!!

"It is a nice walk, don't you think?" Thorin heard someone saying and he turned his head to see Balin walking right beside him. He had not realized that the old dwarf had approached him. Thorin frowned and tried to ignore him, preferring to stare at the road ahead. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

The company had returned to the road at the sunrise on the next day. Gandalf had said that he had a friend, a shapeshifter who could shelter them in his home long enough for them to recover from their wounds and replenish their supplies to continue with the journey. The wizard said that they would have to go through Mirkwood if they wanted to reach the mountain in time, and if legends about this place were true, they would need to be strong. Gandalf was leading the way, according to him, Beorn's house was not far away and if they could walk fast, they would be able to get there by nightfall, but without the ponies the trip would be strenuous and tiring, especially for those who were injured . The walk wasn't _nice_ at all.

"It's a shame we have lost our ponies, but we have to see the bright side of it." Balin kept talking, ignoring the fact that Thorin was ignoring _him_. "We also have lost our bags, but since we're walking, it is less weight to carry."

"What do you want, Balin?" Thorin said harsher than he had intended.

The white-haired dwarf sighed. Thorin knew him very well. He knew that when Balin had to talk about a delicate subject he kept beating around the bush and sometimes the old dwarf could be very annoying.

Balin sighed and looked at Thorin, his expression had become serious. He glanced over his shoulder and when he looked back at Thorin again, he said in Khuzdul.

 _"The halfling doesn’t look very well."_ Balin said finally.

Thorin frowned and glanced over his shoulder, searching for Bilbo among the dwarves behind him. Bilbo was far behind, walking slowly. One hand was placed on his ribs, the other was wiping the sweat of his forehead. Bilbo looked like he was panting and that was weird because they were not running. But that wasn’t all, there was something wrong, Bilbo looked so... sick

Bilbo was too pale, with dark circles under his eyes and his hands were shaking slightly. The dwarf had noticed Bilbo's lack of color that morning, but he had tried to ignore it, since everyone on the company looked tired and miserable, including himself. But now Bilbo looked terrible and that really bothered him.

Balin kept staring at Thorin, still waiting for a response of the dark-haired dwarf. The dwarf king snorted and looked back at the road.

 _"What do you want me to do? As far as I know, Oin is the healer."_ Thorin said, his tone was not harsh, but it was a little bitter.

_"Go talk to him."_

_"Why should I?"_

_"Because Bilbo is hurt."_

Thorin turned his head and looked to Balin alarmed.

_"Hurt?"_

Thorin stopped abruptly and turned to look at Bilbo. No, no, no, his halfling could not be hurt! How did it happen? When? Balin noticed Thorin’s turmoil and put a hand on his shoulder.

_"You’ve hurt his heart."_

Thorin sighed and started to walk again.

_"I really don't want to hear any of your lectures, Balin."_

_"So let's skip the lectures and go talk to him."_ He insisted.

 _"And what do you expect me to tell him?"_ Thorin snapped. He looked around and he was sure that the dwarves were making a huge effort not to look in his direction. They were speaking in Khuzdul so Bilbo wouldn’t understand a word they were saying, but the rest of the company was understanding everything for sure.

_"The truth. Tell him what he means to you. Tell him that he is your..."_

_"No,"_ Thorin growled. _"I..."_ Thorin looked away. _"I think my words have done damage _enough_."_

 _"I'm glad you know that."_ Balin said smiling. _"It isn't shame to admit that you are wrong. Bilbo has a good heart, but I bet he is as stubborn as you, and until one of you make the first move you will remain playing this game."_

 _"It's not that easy."_   Thorin hissed. _"Besides, he hates me."_

 _"Thorin, I do not know if you're oblivious, blind or just stupid."_ Balin said shaking his head and smiling fondly at the king. _"Now that’s what you have to do: you’ll go to the halfling, you’ll fix what you’ve done and you’ll tell him the whole truth."_

Thorin looked at Balin with wide eyes. He opened his mouth to argue, but Balin shut him raising a hand and gesturing toward Bilbo, leaving no room for discussion.

Thorin snorted. It wasn’t the first time that Balin spoke to him as if he was a sulky dwarfling. However he knew that Balin was right, that it was something that only he could fix. Thorin cleared his throat and said to the entire company.

"Let's rest here for a while."

Thorin heard all the dwarves relieved sigh. They were walking since sunrise and they were tired and hungry. There was a clearing right ahead and they decided that there would be a good place to rest. Fíli and Kíli were the first ones to venture into the woods to pick up wood for a fire. Bofur and Bombur were debating what meal that they could prepare with the little they had. Ori offered to hunt squirrels with his slingshot and also got into the woods.

Gandalf sat leaning against a tree with his pipe in his mouth, making smoke rings. Balin had joined him and the two exchanged some words. Thorin noticed the pleased look Gandalf gave him and he had to use all his self-control not to punch him in the face right there and then.

Well, since everyone was busy with their tasks, Thorin would talk to Bilbo. His plan was to lead him to some place far from the group so that they could talk alone, but when he turned to look for Bilbo, the hobbit was nowhere to be seen. Thorin frowned. Where was Bilbo?

"He went that way." Thorin heard the unmistakable voice of Gandalf behind him. He turned to look at the wizard and he was pointing with his pipe to a gap between the tree line.

Thorin said nothing, he didn’t want to know how Gandalf knew he was looking for Bilbo. He just nodded, brushed a imaginary dust from his fur, lifted his chin and walked with determination to where Gandalf pointed as if he was going to a meeting in the throne room of Erebor, with all the pomp of his status as king. He heard Gandalf giggle and made a mental note to really punch him in the face once the opportunity presented itself.

****

"Let's rest here for a while." Bilbo heard Thorin saying to the company and he was so grateful.

Bilbo was so tired. They were walking since sunrise, and in the meantime he could only think about the pain.

He did not think he could wake up feeling worse than he felt the day before, but he was wrong. As soon as he awoke, the throbbing pain had changed again to a burning sensation that was not limited to the injury, it seemed that it was all around him. Fortunately, Kíli had not nudged his injury while they slept cuddled with each other, but then, Bilbo was so tired when he had finally closed his eyes he wouldn’t have noticed if he had.

Before the walk toward Beorn’s house had begun, Bilbo had take a look at his wound, discreetly so no one would notice. The wound still had all the stitches intact, but it was red and hot. Bilbo didn't want to think that his wound was infected so early, but maybe that was the case.

When Thorin had said that they would stop to rest Bilbo nearly wept with joy. He was in so much pain, he was so tired, every step he took was a torture, but he would not ask to stop just because he couldn’t stand anymore. Others had been injured and they were not complaining, Thorin was injured and he was not complaining, so he wouldn’t complain. Probably their injuries were not as serious as his, but he would not be a burden, he would not be the weak hobbit anymore.

The dwarves began to disperse, busy with their chores, then Bilbo guessed that this was the perfect time to get away from the group to take care of his wound. He saw gap between the trees and walked over there, silently so that no one would hear and follow him.

Bilbo had put a considerable distance between him and the group. He found a large tree and hid behind it. He leaned against the tree and began to unbutton his shirt to look at his wound. His hands were trembling and for some reason he felt cold, even though the day was sunny.

"Oh, dear." Bilbo said with a shaky breath.

Two stitches were open and blood run out from the wound. The Hobbit became dizzy and if he wasn’t leaning against the tree he would have fallen to the ground. What would he do now? He couldn’t do new stitches by himself now, the wound was too sore. Bilbo began to weep there alone in the woods. He couldn’t stand it anymore. Why this had to have happened? The hobbit felt his whole body trembling, he wanted to be able to curl into a ball on the ground, but that would only hurt him more, so he just stood there crying, leaning against the tree, the most pathetic thing of all Middle-Earth.

Bilbo wiped his eyes with trembling hands, he couldn’t be weak now. "What was the name of that plant?" He asked himself. There was a plant that grew in the Shire which had antiseptic properties and he would definitely need some judging by the color of his injury. But what was it’s name?

 _Rosemary!_ That was the name, _Rosemary_. Could he find a little to make some salve? Well, he wouldn’t find it if he kept standing there like an idiot. Bilbo walked a few step away from the tree and started looking for the plant that would relieve some of his suffering. But Bilbo saw nothing that resembled the plant and he started getting dizzy again.

"Bilbo!" the hobbit heard a deep voice calling him. Was he hallucinating?

Bilbo turned and saw Thorin just a few feet from him. The hobbit had been so busy looking for the plant that he didn’t hear the dwarf king approaching him. No, he wasn’t hallucinating, Thorin Oakenshield was right there in front of him. Perfect. Things could get any worse?

"What do you want Thorin?" Bilbo said turning his back to Thorin.

Of all the things that Bilbo didn’t want to do, argue with Thorin was at the top of the list. It was exhausting and useless and he really didn’t want to deal with that dwarf.

"Well, I ... I just ... well ..." Thorin did not know how to begin to say the things he wanted to say and it was so frustrating. "You left and haven’t told anyone." He finally said.

“And you came here to see if I had not fallen into a trap?” Bilbo said bitterly.

"Yeah... I mean ... no… I ..." Why was he stuttering?

"That's very thoughtful of you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember you told me you didn’t have time to be my nanny." Bilbo said turning to Thorin.

"Bilbo ..." Thorin took a tentative step forward. "You're not looking like you’re okay."

Thorin did not seem the same dwarf who had humiliated Bilbo in the Carrock. His gaze was concerned, he was not frowning, his eyebrows were raised in confusion, in worry. His tone was not threatening, but deep.

As much as Bilbo wanted to hate Thorin for the things he had said, he couldn’t. Not when Bilbo looked in those icy-blue eyes and those eyes looked back at him like that. But Bilbo was still very hurt to believe that something good would come of Thorin.

"So what? Did you came to say that I'm slowing you down?" Bilbo snapped "That I'm a lazy hobbit?"

"No. You're sick, and I'm worried about you." Said Thorin sincere and took another step forward.

“If I’m sick or not it’s none of your business.”

“Yes, it is. I do care about you, I just don’t know how to express it.”

These words hurt more than when Thorin was screaming at him, because those words were lies, it could only be lies.

"Liar!" Bilbo stepped back. "You don’t care about anything but your damn gold!”

"It’s not true!" Thorin crossed the distance between them and hugged Bilbo, who began to squirm in those strong arms. "I do care about you, but that scares me."

"Let me go!" Bilbo cried, but Thorin did not relent.

"I say and do stupid things because I'm afraid. I'm afraid every waking moment because you are... " Thorin hesitated.

"What am I?" Bilbo said resentful "A burden? _I'm not a burden!_ "

"You're my _One_ "

Bilbo looked at Thorin dumbfounded. For a moment all the sounds of the forest have died except for the breathing of the two.

"What?" Bilbo asked softly, blinking rapidly.

"You are my _One_ , my love. The one who Mahal had promised me the day I was born. You, Bilbo Baggins, are the one I will love for the rest of my days."

Bilbo gasped, and before he could do anything about it, Thorin cupped the hobbit's face in his hands and pressed his lips against his in a demanding kiss.

Bilbo blinked a few times, confused. This was really happening? Thorin Oakenshield was really kissing him? He had even said that Bilbo was his _One_? Bilbo could only think that this was a dream, but Thorin's arms around him were real, and his lips on his were as well.

The Hobbit tried to resist, he wanted to push Thorin away, but he had no more strength. Bilbo kissed him back. He wanted to do this for so long. How many times had he dreamed of being in Thorin’s arms like he was now? How many times had he dreamed about his lips. Being in his arms was both good and scary.

The dwarf then broke the kiss and looked at Bilbo with those icy-blue eyes and Bilbo saw, there was so much love in those eyes.

"My _Halfling_ " Thorin smiled and stroked Bilbo’s cheek. At that moment, Thorin’s smile fell and he began to frown. "Bilbo, you ... You have a fever."

Unintentionally Thorin’s hand landed in Bilbo's ribs and the halfling screamed in pain.

"Bilbo, what's wrong?" he asked alarmed.

Bilbo’s vision was getting dark and he felt his legs losing strength. He felt so weird, it was like he was diving in very cold waters. His body was numb, there was no more pain. He felt himself falling, but he didn’t hit the ground, it was like he was floating. It wasn’t so bad. He heard Thorin screaming his name and then the names of his companions.

"Bilbo, stay with me!" He heard Thorin’s voice near his face.

His tone was pleading. Bilbo wished he could stay, but everything was so cold and so quiet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please, let me know if you liked it and your suggestions


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!!  
> One more chapter for you. I'm sorry about the delay.  
> Wow, I'm really happy with all the feedback that this fic received, Thanks for reading!  
> The angst goes on, sorry. The fluffy times are not very far, believe me, just a little more patience.  
> Well, lets read!  
> PS - Please, if you haven't read it yet, please check my new Bagginshield fic "A touch of love". It's really good!

Thorin couldn't believe he was finally kissing his halfling. This could only be a dream. The best dream of all.

He didn't want to have forced himself on Bilbo, but he couldn't hold the impulse to kiss those lips. He had to have the hobbit in his arms, taste those lips, run his hand on his hair, and somehow he knew that he _had_ to do something, or he would never have the courage to do it.

So Thorin held him and kissed him, putting all his love and desire in that gesture. In the beginning Thorin felt frustrated because Bilbo was paralyzed and had not responded the kiss, obviously he wasn't expecting it. The dwarf king felt Bilbo shudder in his arms and try to push him away. Thorin could only think how stupid he was. Bilbo hated him because of the way Thorin had always treated him and now he would hate him even more because Thorin was taking _advantage_ of him.

 _Good job, Thorin. You’re officially an idiot_.

Thorin was about to pull away from Bilbo and throw himself at his feet, ready to ask for forgiveness for what he had done, but then the hobbit kissed him back and all his fears were swept away.

Bilbo loved him, he could feel it. His lips were warm and soft, sweet, just like Thorin had dreamed it would be. The small body of the hobbit had the perfect size for Thorin to wrap his arms around him in a protective grip. In that moment Thorin had no doubts. Bilbo was his One, and he would never let him go.

Kissing Bilbo was wonderful, but being kissed back was a thousand times better. The kiss was rough and demanding, as if Thorin wanted to give him all the kisses he had not been able to give before, all at once. The dwarf king might as well spend the rest of his life kissing Bilbo, but eventually they would need some air.

Thorin broke the kiss and looked at Bilbo, his halfling, his One. He didn't think he could feel any happier. Thorin always felt like his heart had been shattered and there was nothing in its place but anger and wish for revenge. But now, it was as if Bilbo had picked piece by piece of his broken heart, put it all together and given it back to him, brand new and better. Complete. A heart full of love.

" _My Halfling_." Thorin smiled and caressed Bilbo's cheek.

The dwarf frowned. Bilbo was too hot.

"Bilbo, you ... You have a fever."

The dwarf king said and then he noticed how the hobbit was pale. Bilbo's eyes were half closed and he seemed dazed. He swayed and Thorin had to put a hand on Bilbo's waist to help him not to fall. It was unintentionally, Thorin's hand landed in Bilbo's ribs and the halfling screamed in pain, and for the first time in a long time, Thorin panicked.

"Bilbo, what's wrong?"

Thorin asked in a alarmed tone when he saw the pained expression on the face of the hobbit, but nothing had prepared him to see Bilbo closing his eyes and fainting before him. Thorin was quick and managed to catch Bilbo before he could fall and hurt himself.

"Bilbo!" He called out, but the hobbit was unconscious in his arms. "No, no, no..."

Thorin carefully picked up Bilbo and started running toward the clearing, carrying the unconscious Hobbit in his arms as if he were a baby.

"Fili! Kili! Dwalin! Somebody help me!" He screamed, but no one answered, they were still far from the camp.

Bilbo was too pale and burning with fever. He was terribly limp in Thorin’s arms, like a lifeless ragdoll. Despair began to grow inside the dwarf king as he ran through the forest towards the camp. He didn't know what was wrong with the halfling and he didn't want to think that his beloved Bilbo could...

" _Nnnn..."_ Bilbo groaned. Thorin lowered his head to look at Bilbo's face and saw that he was frowning as if he was in pain.

"Bilbo! Stay with me!" Thorin pleaded desperately. "We're almost there, hold on."

Thorin could hear the voices of the dwarves talking to each other and he started running faster. Soon, he reached the line of trees and the clearing, were the camp was settled.

"Oin!" Thorin shouted as he stepped out from behind the trees, calling the healer of the company.

In that moment, all the heads turned towards him and everyone stopped what they were doing, shocked by the image of Thorin carrying a lifeless Bilbo in his arms.

"Mahal! What happened?!" Bofur asked, raising from his spot next to the fire and forgetting about the meal he was preparing.

"Oin! I need Oin! _Now!_ " Thorin said, ignoring Bofur’s question and looking for the healer, glancing desperately from one side to the other without finding him. "W-where the hell is he?"

"Oin and Gandalf went looking for some herbs, I'll call him back." Ori promptly stood up and ran toward the trail nearby.

The other dwarves began to encircle Thorin with worry in their faces, muttering and asking the king what was wrong with their hobbit.

"What happened to him, laddie?" Balin asked, his voice louder among the others.

"I don't know ..." Thorin answered. "He got dizzy and fainted."

"Thorin! Lay him down here."

Thorin heard Bofur saying behind him and he turned to see that while the dwarfs were bombarding him with questions, Bofur had extended his own bedroll on the ground and he had extended some furs over it, to make it comfortable for the hobbit. Thorin hesitated, he didn’t want to let go of Bilbo, the king could feel the hobbit’s heart beating with him so close and he wanted to make sure that that heart was still beating. But he relented, eventually. Bilbo would be more comfortable lying on the furs, where Oin could examine him better.

Thorin knelt and carefully placed the hobbit on the furs. Bilbo looked so pale, so sick. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and Thorin wiped them with the his hand.

"Wake up, Bilbo... please." He whispered.

"Where is he?"

Oin and Gandalf fought their way through the wall of dwarves that had formed around the bedroll and soon they were bent over Bilbo.

"Step back all of you, he needs air!" Oin demanded and the dwarves took a few steps back, but they didn't ventured too far from their sick friend.

Thorin stubbornly continued at Bilbo's side, his eyes fixed on his chest, making sure that the hobbit was still breathing. Oin shot him a disapproving look but said nothing about it. First, Oin touched Bilbo’s cheek.

"He is burning! What happened?" Oin asked.

"He fainted!" Someone told.

"He has a high fever. It looks like an infection.” Oin said frowning in confusion.

 

Noticing that Bilbo had a unbuttoned shirt, the healer decided to open it to examine his chest.

Shouts of fury and disbelief filled the clearing. Bofur closed his eyes and took a few steps back, Ori began to cry, Dwalin clenched his jaw so hard that the others were sure that he had cracked a few teeth. All of them were amazed by what they were seeing, but no one was so shocked as Thorin.

"Mahal!" Thorin heard one of his companions saying but he wasn’t paying attention. He could only look at the wound on Bilbo’s side, an ugly, bad-sutured and infected wound. Thorin felt all his blood freeze in his veins.

Oin leaned over the wound and inhaled.

"It smells like poison." Oin said. "The poison which the orcs smear their swords."

"He was wounded in the fight with Azog?" Gandalf asked. "Who took care of him? Who made those stitches?"

"I think he did it himself." Ori's voice sounded shaky. "Yesterday he asked if he could borrow my needle and thread and said it was to sew his clothes… So I gave him." He sniffed "I... I didn’t know he would ... I’m sorry."

"Now is not the time for this!" Gandalf said, and the young dwarf was silent. "I need you to look for an herb for me, _Athelas_ , do you know what it is?"

"Yes. I saw some on trail.”

"They may retard the poisoning."

"I'm gonna get some." With that Ori ran toward the trail to search for the medicinal herb.

While Ori was looking for the herb, Oin and Gandalf continued to examine Bilbo’s wound.

"Will he live?" Thorin asked suddenly.

"The wound is badly infected... and I don't know if the poison had time to reach the blood. I hope not, but ... " Oin trailed off.

"Will he live?" Thorin repeated, harsher this time. Oin and Gandalf looked at each other and the expression of their faces said everything. Thorin knew the answer.

_Probably not._

"We'll take care of him. He'll be fine." Oin said instead, but the healer was not convinced of his own words.

Thorin reached out and took Bilbo's small hand in his. So small, so fragile. Bilbo groaned and squeezed Thorin’s hand, but he didn’t wake up

"It's okay, Bilbo. I'm here" Thorin whispered so low that no one heard him.

"Thorin, come with me." Balin approached Thorin and gently grabbed his arm to pull him away from the hobbit. The king did not move. "Thorin, come on, there's nothing you can do."

Balin tried to reason with the dwarf, but Thorin didn’t budge. Instead, Thorin pulled his arm violently.

"Leave me alone!" The King snapped and went back to holding Bilbo's hand.

Balin sighed and gave up. He knew that look on Thorin’s face, the most stubborn dwarf on Middle-Earth, and if he wanted to stay at Bilbo's side and hold his hand, there was not enough orcs in the world who could make him move. He would not leave Bilbo’s side until the halfling was out of danger.

Thorin watched as Oin and Gandalf cleaned the wound and undid the stitches that poor Hobbit had made himself. He felt his stomach churn, but didn't threw up.

How Bilbo had the courage to do this? Why didn’t he say anything? How much pain he must have felt stitching himself alone in the woods, trying not to scream so nobody would know what he was doing. _'How come nobody noticed anything? How come did I not notice anything? He was in pain, all this time, he was suffering, and I didn’t realize it_.' Thorin thought in despair. Why Bilbo would do this?

Suddenly everything became clear. He didn’t say anything because of Thorin, because of the terrible things he had said. Bilbo had chosen to suffer in silence than ask for help because Thorin had made him believe that he was a burden. The hobbit had been afraid and in pain and now he may not survive.

It was Thorin’s fault, and he would **_never_** forgive himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please let me know if you like it and your suggestions!  
> I'm all ears (eyes , hehe)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!  
> I'm sorry about the delay!  
> Thank you very much for all the comments and kudos, I love you all.  
> I think I'll update again later this week.   
> Keep reading!!!!

The condition of the hobbit just got worse. Thorin did not move from his spot at Bilbo's side, like a sentinel he would not leave his post. None of the dwarves had questioned their king, they knew better than to try to separate them.

The first thing they had to do was cleaning the wound and prevent the infection from spreading any further. Oin had sent Bofur to the stream near the clearing to bring cold water and when he came back, Oin started to clean the hobbit's wound that was bleeding again. In his sleep, Bilbo struggled, squeezed Thorin's hand and moaned painfully. All that touching and poking must have been too painful for him. Balin was right, there was nothing Thorin could do to lessen Bilbo’s pain, but he could offer comfort while squeezing his hand back and whispering words of comfort into his ear.

The healer winced when he saw the severity of the injury. Now clean, Oin saw that the situation was worse than he had thought at first. The cut was deeper than he was thinking and the purplish color around it was not a good sign. Not to mention that Bilbo had done a terrible work at stitching himself. “ _Poor Lad_ ” he thought.

Once Ori had returned from the trail with that herb in his hands, Gandalf and Oin worked together to make a kind of plaster. Gandalf applied this plaster on the wound, he put his hands over it and muttered a few words in a strange language. Thorin was sure he was muttering some elvish enchantment. They thought it was better not to make new stitches because the skin was too inflamed, so they just wrapped the torso of the hobbit in clean bandages, to ensure that the plaster would remain over the wound.

His fever was still too high, but they didn't consider to try to cool Bilbo's body with the cold water that Bofur had brought from that stream. They didn't know if the thermal shock he probably would have could do more harm than good to the already weakened body of the hobbit. Then Gandalf made a tea with the herbs he had collected earlier, before Ori have came to him, saying that Bilbo was not feeling well and he needed his help. He managed to get Bilbo to drink a few sips of the tea and after that, the hobbit seemed to stop struggling, falling in a kind of peaceful sleep.

"This tea is going to help him with the fever and the pain." Gandalf explained.

When they had finished, Oin looked at Thorin with sympathy, but his face was full of worry.

"We did everything we could. Now we have to wait. Let him rest for now, later I will change his bandages." Oin said placing a hand on Thorin's shoulder. He smiled weakly before walking away toward the others who were desperate to know about their little friend.

Thorin felt as if the ground had disappeared from under his feet. He knew that look, he had seen it several times before. That was the same look the healers had after the battle in Azanulbizar. Oin had the same look the healers had when they had told him that his grandfather had been taken by madness and that there would be no salvation for him. That was the look when one knows that there is no hope.

Thorin just nodded. He had no strength to say anything. There was a lump in his throat, there was a pain deep inside of him. He couldn't accept that Bilbo was dying and that it was his fault. Thorin hadn't hurt Bilbo's body, but he had broken his heart. It was the same thing as having Bilbo's blood in his hands. If Bilbo wasn't angry with him, he would not have hid something so serious, He would have told someone that he was hurt and Oin could have taken care of it.

What would he do if Bilbo just died? What would he do? How could he keep living knowing that he was responsible for the death of his _One_?

Then, the dwarf king unwrapped the cloak off his shoulders and covered the hobbit with it to keep him protected from the chilly air. Thorin remained there holding Bilbo's hand, running his fingers through his hair, whispering soft words, calling Bilbo back.

Thorin didn't know how long he had been like that. He only noticed it was for too long when his attention was drawn back to reality by a bowl of food suddenly appearing in front of his face. It was dinner time. The night had come and Thorin had not even noticed. The king looked up and was surprised to see Dwalin holding the bowl of food, apparently expecting that Thorin would take it.

Thorin simply ignored him.

"You need to eat, Thorin." Dwalin said in a low voice, as if he felt he was disturbing some sacred thing.

"I'm not hungry." Thorin said hoarsely. He did not want to be rude to his personal bodyguard and best friend, it's just that he wasn't in the mood to talk, eat, or do anything that wasn't hold Bilbo's hand and pray to Mahal.

"You may be my king, but you are the most stubborn dwarf I know."

Dwalin said and sat next to him. Just like Kili had done the day before, he grabbed Thorin's wrist and placed the bowl in his hand, hard enough to spill some - Of course, Dwalin didn't have even ten percent of Kili's subtlety. Dwalin gave him a pointed look, and Thorin knew that he would have to eat whether he liked it or not.

"Look… I know you feel guilty for what happened, and you really should be. Even I wanted to punch your ugly face back there in the Carrock." Dwalin said softly. Thorin looked at him with a frown but the bodyguard immediately added. "But it wasn't you who was holding the poisoned blade, so stop blaming yourself like if you had."

"How?." Thorin said and sighed. "I made so many mistakes, Dwalin. I've put him in danger as soon as I took him from the Shire." Thorin closed his eyes. "I should not have brought him in this quest."

"Thorin ..."

"Not because I think he is a burden. He is not. I said those horrible things to him, but I was trying to put some sense into his head. He is not like us... he is so fragile..." he sighed " He should not suffer because of me. He is... "

"Your One" Dwalin said. Thorin turned his head and looked at him with a surprised look. "What? Everybody noticed that." He chuckled. "Let's just say that you're not exactly subtle with your overprotectiveness."

"It only makes things worse. Bilbo is my One and I should have protected him and look what I did. I can almost feel his pain." Thorin hid his face with his free hand. "I would give anything to be in his place right now."

It was not very often that Thorin used his words to say what he really felt. He had learned to communicate with frowns, sighs and cold looks. Thorin had a good reason to not express himself, he always ended up saying the wrong thing, but now it was as if a dam had broken up and the words were flowing. Usually, Dwalin being Thorin's personal bodyguard and best friend was chosen as his confidant and this time was not different.

"We know. We can see that. Believe me, you would not be the Thorin I know if you were feeling any different and despite of what you're thinking, no one here is judging you."

"But..."

"You should not despair now. You will have the chance to set things right."

"Oin and Gandalf said he will be fine, but their eyes say something completely different. Somehow, I feel Bilbo is too far away and that I may not be able to reach him."

"Thorin." Dwalin said placing a hand on Thorin’s shoulder and smiling reassuringly. "If there’s anyone in this company that can reach Bilbo, it's you."

Dwalin stood up and headed to where Balin was sat, leaving Thorin alone with the hobbit and the bowl of food. Those words echoed in his head.

Dwalin was right. That old healer knew nothing. Bilbo was much stronger than anyone gave him credit for. Thorin believed it. Bilbo would live.

Bilbo _had_ to live.

****

The company decided to spend the night in that clearing, there was no way they could continue the journey with Bilbo in that condition.

Later that night, after dinner - which Thorin ate shoving the food down his throat - Oin came to change the bandages of the hobbit. The wound was not bleeding anymore, and that purplish color seemed to have receded a bit, but Thorin couldn’t really say that he looked _better_. The healer tried to give to Bilbo some more of that tea, but the halfling seemed to be having a nightmare and he struggled when Oin tried to touch him. Thorin lost his patience and snatched the mug from the hands of the healer.

"Let me do it!" He said and motioned with his head, meaning that Oin should leave.

Thorin put the mug on the ground and sighed. Carefully, Thorin sat behind Bilbo and he maneuvered the hobbit, so the dwarf could hold that small body as women hold babies. Thorin was supporting Bilbo's head with one arm and with his free hand he brought the mug to the hobbit's mouth.

"Drink a little, my love."

Bilbo turned his head away and muttered something that Thorin could not hear. Thorin held him closer and kissed his forehead.

"Drink just a little bit." He said softly, nuzzling his face against Bilbo's hair.

 _"Thorin..."_ Bilbo murmured in a voice so weak, barely audible, but the dwarf king heard it and he almost let the mug fall from his hand. Bilbo frowned and looked distressed, but he was still asleep.

"Yes, Bilbo, I'm here."

Then the hobbit stopped struggling and seemed to calm down in his sleep. Thorin held back the tears that wanted to fall down his face. He could not stand seeing his beloved one suffering like that. With pain in his heart, Thorin brought the mug to Bilbo’s lips again and this time the dwarf managed to pour some tea in Bilbo’s mouth.

When Bilbo had drank enough, Thorin tucked him under the furs again to keep him warm. Since everyone knew that Thorin would not move an inch from there, Fili brought his bedroll and Thorin extended it at Bilbo's side. Not that he was going to sleep very much anyway.

"As the healer of this company, aren't you supposed to be with the hobbit, you know, in case something happens in the middle of the night?" Gloin asked Oin when he saw Thorin lying beside Bilbo.

 

"Do you really think that stubborn dwarf would let me?" He said extending his own bedroll on the ground.

Thorin heard all his companions lying down to sleep in their bedrolls, but all his attention was on Bilbo.

Slowly, the camp became silent of the voices and the night sounds filled Thorin’s ears. A crackling fire, a cicada somewhere, the noise of the river. Bilbo's breath was slow and steady, thanks to the tea. Thorin believed that tea was really helping him with the pain, so he would make sure that Bilbo drank as much as was needed.

"Thorin ..." Bilbo murmured in his sleep again.

"I'm here." Thorin said in a low, soothing voice.

He leaned over and placed a protective arm around Bilbo’s waist. Thorin stroked his cheek, whispering soothing words. He didn’t know if Bilbo could hear him or not, but he had to try.

"My halfling, my love." Thorin said with a trembling voice, "You're so strong. You fought Azog bravely, so you can fight this disease. Come back to me..." his voice trembled "Because I can’t keep going without you." Thorin hissed. "Just... come back to me."

"Thorin ..." Bilbo murmured again and then seemed to fall into a deep sleep.

The dwarf took a deep breath and held back his tears. He would not cry. There was no reason to cry. Bilbo was not dying. He was strong and would survive.

Thorin _would not_ cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for readin!  
> If you liked, please, please, please, tell me.  
> You suggestions are welcome as well.  
> : )


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!  
> Sorry for the delay, but here's the new chapter.  
> I really hope you enjoy it!  
> Thigs will get better on next chapter. Beorn appears and Bilbo wakes.  
> Yes, i know, it was about time : )  
> Wellm, Let's read!

_Bilbo felt so strange._

_He opened his eyes, sat and looked around confused. The first thing he noticed was that he was in a wheat field. He could see the wheat swaying with the wind, like it was a yellow ocean. He looked at the sky. He could not tell whether it was night or day, there was some light, but also there were dark clouds in the sky and no sun he could see. He felt cold, very cold, and he shivered, wrapping his arms around him._

_What was happening? Where was he?_

_He stood up and frowned. He couldn’t remember that the company had crossed any wheat field, as far as he could remember, they were close to the mountains. He looked around him. The wheat field covered miles and miles and it seemed endless. The silence was heavy and scary in that place, he could not hear the birds, or the bugs, or the wind - even though he could feel it - , he couldn’t hear anything. Only then he had realized that his friends were nowhere to be found. He was alone._

_Fear began to take over him. Had he been left behind? Had his friends finally come to the conclusion that he wasn't worth it, that he was really a burden? No, no, no, this could not be true. The dwarves really liked him, and Thorin, he ... he couldn’t have..._

_Bilbo felt sadness in his heart. He was alone, cold, and something inside him was aching. All he wanted was for Thorin to come back and take him out of that dark place. He wanted Thorin to wrap his strong arms around him and protect him because only Thorin, his beloved, could do that._

_"Thorin..." Bilbo started to call his name, because even in the vastness of that field, Bilbo knew Thorin would listen to him._

****

When the sun rose the next day, Thorin woke up to see that he still had Bilbo in his arms and the first thing he did was make sure he was alive and breathing. The hobbit was alive, but he looked paler, the circles under his eyes seemed darker and when he touched Bilbo's cheek, the dwarf king realized how cold he was.

"You're so cold, my love." Thorin whispered and pressed the hobbit against his chest, trying to share a little more of his warmth.

" _Thorin ..._ " Bilbo murmured weakly in his sleep. " _W-where ...?_ "

"Yes, my love, I'm right here." Thorin encouraged him, maybe he was waking up.

" _Thorin... please… don’t... don’t leave me alone_..." His tone was anguished and Thorin saw a tear rolling down Bilbo’s face.

"Never, Bilbo. I'll never leave you." He whispered and kissed Bilbo’s temple.

It was painful for Thorin to know that Bilbo was having bad dreams about him and that even in his sleep, the dwarf king could be hurting him. Thorin bit his lip to stifle his own tears that he wouldn't let fall. Bilbo was delirious and dreaming about Thorin, but the dwarf could not think about it as a good thing. Of course, in other circumstances, he would be happy to be in Bilbo's dreams, but now he wanted his hobbit awake, so he could tell him that he would never hurt him again, he would devote the rest of his life to Bilbo and make him feel loved and safe.

If only Bilbo would wake up...

 

A few minutes later, the other dwarves began to wake up and the camp was filled with their voices and the sounds of Bombur and Bofur making the breakfast. Thorin didn't give them any attention, but it didn't take long before he felt a hand touching his shoulder. The dwarf king turned his head to see Oin standing next to him, holding a mug of hot tea in one hand and clean bandages on the other.

"It is time for me to change his bandages." Oin said with a tentative smile.

"I'll help you..." Thorin began to say, but the old dwarf shushed him.

"No. Gandalf wants to talk to you."

Thorin growled at him.

“No arguing. Just go.” Oin said sternly.

He didn't want to stay away from Bilbo, he needed to have the hobbit in his arms, he needed to hear his heart beating, he needed to know that his hobbit was alive. But Oin was right, he needed to change Bilbo's bandages and if Gandalf wanted to talk to him it must be something really important, otherwise he would have spoken with Balin. With a sigh, Thorin loosened his grip on the hobbit and stood up, leaving Oin to tending to him in peace.

While Thorin crossed the camp to find Gandalf, he saw his nephews walking toward him. For a moment, Thorin had thought he would get an earful for the way he treated Bilbo before he had found out about the wound. Fíli and Kíli had become very fond of the halfling and he was sure that they would rather die before hurting him in any way. They were good friends to Bilbo. Thorin would gladly accept any verbal attack from them. He deserved their anger. But to his surprise, they approached with concern on their faces.

"Uncle... how is he?" Fíli asked about Bilbo.

"He's fighting." Thorin answered, feeling uncomfortable.

"I should have noticed he was hurt." Kíli said lowering his head. "I noticed that there was something wrong with him, but he said it was nothing. We have slept close to him the whole night and we haven't notice anything." Kíli had teary eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Fíli wrapped an arm around Kíli's shoulder and brought him closer. Something inside Thorin chest ached when he saw his nephews in such distress. They should not blame themselves for something that was entirely his fault. The king took a step forward and placed a hand on Kíli's shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"It's not your fault." Thorin said with his deep voice. "It's mine."

"We all have to take our share of the blame, uncle." Fíli said and for a moment he didn't looked like the young prince who was always smiling. "We supposed to take care of each other. But what Kíli is trying to say... is that we understand your pain."

Thorin frowned in confusion.

"He is your One!" Kíli said "You spent all these years taking care of us, and mother, and all the dwarves who survived the dragon. We know that you love us, but we also know how lonely you feel."

"You gave up of a lot of things to be able to raise us." Fíli said. "We've prayed to Mahal, asking for you to find your One so you could be happy, and you did. _We_ were so happy that your One was Bilbo and now..." He trailed off but Thorin knew what he wanted to say: _'and now he's dying_ '.

Thorin looked away. Worse than seeing the anger on the faces of his nephews was to see them mourning what could have been.

"If something happens... I'm just saying… Uncle, if something happens... we'll be here for you." Fíli said with a trembling voice.

"Bilbo will not die." Thorin said gruffly. The two young dwarves nodded and lowered their heads. Thorin approached them and hugged them both. "He won't.”

Thorin pulled away and saw his nephews wiping their tear-stained faces with the backs of their hands.

"You two, go get something to eat." The king said before walking away from them.

Those words echoed in Thorin's head and somehow it brought comfort. He loved his nephews and it was nice to know they weren't judging him - although they should. They also loved him and wanted him to be happy with Bilbo. He just wanted they would stop mourning. Bilbo wasn't dead.

Trying not to think about bad things not to bring bad luck, he walked over to where the Wizard was. Gandalf was sitting on a big rock on the other side of the camp. Usually in the mornings, the Wizard was easily found smoking his pipe and talking with Balin, however he was just sitting alone with his hands placed on his lap, he seemed to be lost in thoughts and when Thorin was close enough Gandalf looked at him and tried to smile - failing miserably.

"Good morning, Thorin." Gandalf said.

"Oin said you wanted to talk to me." Thorin said trying not to let his voice sound so hoarse.

"I think we should get back on the road as soon as possible." The Wizard said carefully, as if he feared the reaction of the dwarf.

Thorin looked at Gandalf as if he had said the most stupid thing ever said.

"We can't move on. Bilbo can't walk, he hasn't woken up yet." He replied.

Gandalf sighed and looked as if he already knew that would be Thorin's answer.

"We are not far from Beorn's house, as you know..."

"I said that we'll stay here!" Thorin roared. "I will not risk moving Bilbo and jeopardize his health even more!"

"This is not a safe place and you know that, Thorin Oakenshield." Gandalf said patiently. "The Orcs will not stop hunting us just because one of us is wounded. They’re still out there and approaching these lands, and I'm sure they will find that this is a perfect time to strike because our leader is _distracted_. If we can reach Beorn's house, we may ask for his protection and..." Thorin opened his mouth to argue, but Gandalf held up a hand silencing him "... You know he's not going to survive here in wild, sleeping in the open, in the cold and on the hard ground. He needs a proper place to recover."

Thorin growled. He disliked the idea of moving Bilbo and risking hurt him even more, but...

"You're right." Thorin finally said in defeat.

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right. "Gandalf snorted.

Thorin held back the small smile that almost appeared on his lips. Gandalf could be very smug sometimes and it could be quite comical.

The king went back to his companions and announced that they should pack their things because they would return to the road as soon as possible. The news was received with frowns and silence. They did not seem happy to hit the road with the hobbit still being so weak, the worry was written on their faces, but they didn't question their king and began to break camp quickly.

One issue that they would have to face was how they would carry the halfling. Dwalin promptly offered to carry Bilbo - after all, he was the strongest dwarf among them - but Thorin soon dismissed that idea. As much as he trusted his bodyguard, Bilbo was _his One_ , so it was _his_ duty to take care of him. Thorin wrapped Bilbo in a blanket and took him in his arms as if he was a baby, making sure he was comfortable and that he wasn't poking his wound.

"Beorn's house is only a few hours away." Gandalf said when the company started walking. "When we get there, please do not say or do anything stupid." He threw a pointed look at Fíli and Kíli who looked at each other confused. "Let me talk to him first. Beorn can be my friend, but he is very wary of strangers and he can be a little bit... rude."

"What do you mean?" Bofur asked.

Gandalf trailed off. He decided not to mention that Beorn could turn into a giant bear and rip the heads of each of them with its claws. There was no reason to alarm them so early.

Thorin, on the other hand, was cradling the hobbit in his arms carefully. His steps were firm and he was careful not to make the hobbit bounce more than necessary. Thorin was biting his lip and cursing in Khuzdul every time Bilbo groaned in discomfort. He whispered to the little one that when they arrived at the house of that friend of Gandalf, Bilbo could rest as much as he wanted and that he just needed to hold on a little longer. Gandalf was right, Thorin knew it. The wild was no place for a wounded hobbit and he would be much better in a real bed, being cared for properly.

The king only wished they could get there faster.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me if you like this chapter!  
> comments and kudos are welcome


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!  
> I know it's been a while, sorry for the delay.  
> I was busy, my dog died (His name was Mammoth and he was old, so... yeah )': I'm gonna miss him) and i've sprained my ankle. Really, no kidding. It was a really bad week.  
> I spent three days writing this chapter - I cried while writing the ending of the chapter - So I hope you enjoy reading as I enjoyed writing.  
> Finally, FINALLY, Bilbo wakes up and suprises happen. I love cliffhangers.  
> Their arrival at the Beorn's house is different from the book and the movie. I changed to fit my own purposes (hahaha- evil laugh)  
> Well, let's read!

"Why is this taking so long?" Thorin hissed through his teeth as he watched Gandalf talking to Beorn in the great hall of that great house.

"Be patient." Balin whispered to Thorin. The dwarf king glared at him and then huffed in annoyance.

Thorin shifted the hobbit in his arms to find a more comfortable position, after all, he did not let go of the hobbit since that morning when they had hit the road. Again, Dwalin had offered to carry Bilbo for a while, but Thorin simply ignored him. Bilbo would only leave his arms to be placed comfortably in a decent bed. Nothing less.

"Thorin..." Bilbo grumbled and stirred. The Hobbit frowned and groaned as if he was in pain.

Suddenly, all the sounds in the hall seemed to die and all Thorin could think about was the bundle in his arms. Thorin felt his heart shatter. He didn't want to see his little one in pain, it was awful to see him like that and not being able to ease his suffering. Thorin Oakenshield realized at that moment that being a king and having a mountain full of gold waiting for him wouldn't mean anything if his One, his true love were to die there in his arms. He leaned over and kissed his temple, whispering reassurances like _'is okay, hold on a little longer._ ' Bilbo's skin was so cold. The dwarf kept placing chaste kisses on Bilbo's forehead and trying to soothe him, and the hobbit eventually calmed down.

Thorin raised his head to listen to the conversation between the Wizard and the Shapeshifter to see if they had come to a conclusion.

Beorn was a very odd fellow. He wasn't only tall, he was huge and - Thorin would never admit, but - a little intimidating. He had long black hair and the dwarf could see this thick hair on his face and his bare arms and, for some reason, it had made Thorin think of bears. That was _weird_.

Gandalf had said that the Shapeshifter would be difficult to convince to provide shelter to thirteen dwarves, a wizard and a hobbit, but he wasn't expecting it would be so difficult. They had not been invited to sit, so all the thirteen dwarves were standing behind Gandalf, visibly annoyed. They were tired, hungry and sore, all they wanted was a decent place to rest, but they were nowhere near to get a shelter, if Beorn's reluctance was anything to go by.

In a few minutes, Gandalf made a brief report of their adventure.

"...And then, we managed to escape the goblins of the mountain, thankfully none of us was left behind. But, when we thought the danger was finally over, we had trouble with some orcs. Nothing really bad." Gandalf said conversationally, as if fighting orcs were the most normal thing in the world.

"Orcs." Beorn said with obvious disgust. "Evil creatures, they are." The Shapeshifter glanced at the small crowd of dwarves behind Gandalf. "And why were you fighting orcs?" He asked curiously.

"It was not our intention." Gandalf replied. "We're traveling, you see..."

Oh no. Gandalf would start another speech and they really had no time for it.

"I'm sorry, but that's enough." Thorin said a little harsher than he wanted and Gandalf stopped taking. The dwarf took a step forward so the Shapeshifter could see him.

Gandalf fell silent and stared at Thorin as if the dwarf had just poke a hornet's nest. The other dwarves of the company also seemed to stop breathing. Thorin recalled that the Wizard had said something about not doing anything that could unleash the Shapeshifter's rage, but the dwarf couldn't care less. Bilbo needed care urgently. Beorn, on the other hand, did not seem so disturbed by the small outburst of the dwarf.

"Master Beorn." Thorin said taking another step forward and looking into Beorn's eyes. "We need accommodation and food for a few days. Can you arrange it for us or not?" His tone was harsh and arrogant and Beorn looked at the dwarf with amazement, after all, Thorin was not known for being subtle.   Maybe that was why Balin was the spokesman of the company, not Thorin.

Beorn would give a very rude answer to this petulant dwarf, but then his eyes landed on the bundle in his arms.

"What's this?" Beorn said reaching out a hand to touch the hobbit, but Thorin stepped back as if Beorn was some kind of monster.

"Don't you dare to touch him!" Thorin growled. His hand didn't grab the hilt of his sword just because his arms were busy holding a hobbit. But Thorin pressed Bilbo against his chest and glared daggers at Beorn.

A commotion started in a matter of seconds. The other dwarves realized what had happened and immediately they formed a protective circle around Thorin and Bilbo, fearing that Beorn - big and scary as he was - could hurt their little friend. Fíli drew his sword, Dwalin had his two axes in his hands and even Ori aimed his slingshot.

"Step back! Don't you dare to hurt Bilbo!" Kíli shouted aiming his bow at Beorn's head. "You might be big, but you'll have to kill all of us to get to him."

"Kíli!" Fíli said, elbowing his brother on the ribs. "Don't give him any ideas!"

Gandalf hid his face in his hands, mortified to hear the dwarves shouting threats to someone who was very much taller than they were. _Dwarves!_ It would be comical if it were not so tragic, really. He braced himself to hear the terrified screams of the dwarves and Beorn changing to his bear form, but instead the wizard heard the amused laugh of the Shapeshifter.

"Whatever a _'Bilbo'_ is, it must be very precious to you.”

"Bilbo Baggins is a _Hobbit_." Gandalf said trying to lighten the mood. Beorn looked at him confused. "A _Halfling_ , of the Shire. He is a member of our company."

"I've never heard of those." Beorn said scratching his chin in contemplation. Then he looked straight at Thorin who was still holding Bilbo tight to his chest, fearing that Beorn would take the hobbit from his arms. "I have no intention of doing any harm to your friend, Master Dwarf." Beorn turned to Gandalf. "Is he sick?"

"Like I said, we had some trouble with the orcs in the mountains and unfortunately he was injured." Gandalf said.

Beorn’s smile disappeared.

"Was he wounded with one of those nasty blades of theirs?” He asked dryly. Gandalf nodded. Beorn turned around to face Thorin, concern was written on his face. "Let me see him."

Beorn knelt on the floor to be at Thorin’s eye level.

"No." Thorin roared.

"Thorin, he can help Bilbo." Gandalf tried to reason with the most stubborn dwarf of all time.

Thorin hesitated for a moment, he still did not trust this friend of Gandalf. Thorin looked at the Wizard who nodded encouragingly. Reluctantly, Thorin took some steps forward and approached Beorn. Carefully, the dwarf unwrapped Bilbo from the blanket which he was wrapped, but just enough so Beorn could see his pale face and his golden hair.

"How long has he been like this?" Beorn said. There was real concern in his voice.

"Since yesterday, but he was injured two days ago." Thorin said with hoarse voice.

"What you’re waiting for? Bring him inside!" Beorn said standing up.

Beorn walked towards a door and gestured for Thorin and the others to follow him. The dwarf king did so, and soon they were being led down a long corridor full of doors that should be bedrooms.

"The blades used by orcs are poisonous." Beorn said as he stalked through the corridor. "They make a mixture of mushrooms, weeds and poisonous bugs. It's a miracle that he's still alive."

"Bilbo is stronger than you might think!" Thorin snapped at him.

"I don't doubt of it, Master Dwarf." Beorn said, unfazed by the Thorin's rudeness.

Beorn stopped in front of a door down the corridor and pushed it open. He turned around and ushered Thorin into the bedroom. The bedroom was big - like everything else in that house, but taking into account the size of the owner, it was to be expected - but the bedroom was simple and comfortable and Thorin couldn't be more grateful. Immediately, Thorin placed Bilbo on the large bed that was in the middle of the room.

The other dwarves got into the room and made a circle around the bed. They were still very suspicious of Beorn and wouldn't leave their little friend alone so easily. Thorin did not noticed it, but a chair had been pulled closed to the bed so the king could sit to resume his vigil over Bilbo.

The king sat on the chair and took Bilbo’s cold hand in his.

"The poison of the orcs is strong, but I know some herbs that may work as an antidote." Beorn said suddenly and Thorin turned his head to look at him.

 _Herbs?_ They had been using herbs already and Bilbo didn't look any better. Actually, it looked like he was getting worse.

"Gandalf tried that herb. _Athelas_." Thorin said.

"These herbs that I’m talking about are rare. They only grow here." Beorn said.

"Are you sure that it will work?" Thorin asked seriously.

"I've been wounded by orcs, Master Dwarf, I know it works." He said and seemed a little offended by the lack of trust of the dwarf.

Thorin felt a hand landing on his shoulder, he looked up and saw Balin smiling sympathetically at him.

"It won’t hurt to try, laddie." Balin said. As always, he was always the voice of reason.

Thorin took a deep breath and nodded.

"They grow nearby in a clearing." Beorn said heading to the door of the bedroom. "I'll be back with the herbs in half an hour. You are all welcome to stay at my house while your friend is recovering."

Exclamations of relief and gratitude were heard in that bedroom making Gandalf snort. That didn't seem the same group that had threatened the host just a few minutes ago.

"Óin and Ori. Go with him."

Thorin ordered and the two dwarfs promptly followed Beorn to the door, but before the three could leave the bedroom, Thorin said:

"Beorn?" The Shapeshifter stopped, turned around and looked at Thorin, the dwarf then continued. "Thank you." His voice was hoarse but firm, like he wasn't used to saying those words.

Beorn smiled.

"You’re welcome, Master Dwarf."

Then, the Shapeshifter left the bedroom accompanied by two dwarfs and suddenly a silence fell over the room. Gradually the other dwarfs were leaving Bilbo's room to find their own rooms and those who insisted on staying - Fili and Kíli - were shooed away by Balin. In the end, Thorin, Bilbo and Gandalf were the only ones who remained in the room.

"Well..." Gandalf said breaking the silence. "That went better than I was expecting. We're all alive and we have a shelter. But next time, Thorin Oakenshield, try not to provoke someone who can cut your head off with his bare hands."

"I wasn’t trying to provoke him." Thorin defended himself.

"Of course you weren't. Your subtlety precedes you." Gandalf shot him a pointed look before leaving the room, leaving Thorin alone with Bilbo.

Thorin unwrapped the blanket that covered the hobbit. He checked Bilbo's bandage, grimacing to see that the wound still looked infected. So Thorin tucked Bilbo under the clean blankets and climbed on the bed. He wrapped his arms around Bilbo and pulled him close, cuddling with him. He nuzzled Bilbo's nape and kissed him softly.

****

A few hours after Óin and Beorn had gone searching for the herbs, the returned to the room with tea and a ointment. The tea had to be boiled for a long time and the leaves of the herbs needed to be thoroughly prepared for the ointment that should be applied over the wound. So it took a while until they could come to take care of Bilbo.

"He'll be fine." Beorn told Thorin who was sitting on the chair for the time being.

"I hope so." Thorin said and he looked so tired.

"As far as I know, you had done all you could do. Now we have to wait. "

"I swear, if he doesn’t wake up, I’m going to..." Thorin said through gritted teeth, his mask of composure cracked slightly.

"He _will_ wake up." Beorn interrupted him. "You told me that this fellow is strong. Was that a lie?"

"No."

"So stop whining and trust him." Beorn snapped at him. "If he is still alive, it's because there must be something important keeping him here in the world of the living, something he feels is worth fighting for. Even if this thing is a very rude and grumpy dwarf."

"What?" Thorin said blushing. He looked at Oin and he saw the healer looking away guiltily. _‘Can’t you hold your tongue?_ ’ Thorin thought.

"Rest assured, Thorin." Beorn said with a smile. "Your Little Bunny will be up and healthy in no time."

Thorin couldn't quite believe these words while Bilbo looked so pale and sick, but he said nothing. Beorn and Oin kept working quietly and while they cleaned the wound, applied the ointment and changed the old bandages for clean ones. They left the room, leaving the king and the hobbit alone again.

Thorin rose from his chair and began to pace around the bedroom.

"This Beorn fellow is really annoying. You'd like him." Thorin said to an unconscious hobbit.

He approached the bed again and lay down by Bilbo's side. The dwarf held the hand of the hobbit, brought it to his lips and kissed it. Beorn's words were echoing inside his head. Thorin didn't think he was the reason Bilbo was fighting for his life, on the contrary, it was Thorin who had put him in this situation to begin with and before Bilbo had passed out, he was pretty angry with Thorin.

But he wanted it to be true. He wanted to be loved by Bilbo, just like Thorin loved him.

Thorin wanted to hear Bilbo's laugh again, his stuttering, even his complaints. Anything would be welcome, since Bilbo was well. For a long time Thorin remained there just looking at Bilbo, hoping to see some change in his features. There was nothing. It was foolish to think that the herb would work so fast.

The king took a deep breath. His heart was beating violently inside his chest, his eyes were burning with unshed tears. The fear of losing Bilbo was unbearable, but he had to have faith. Mahal wouldn't have put Bilbo on his path just to take him so suddenly and in such a stupid way.

"Come back to me, Bilbo Baggins. Are you listening? You don't have the right to leave me. You don't have the right to go where I can't follow you! I forbid you!" Thorin said, his voice was filled with an emotion he was trying to suppress until now. Fear. "Come back to me. Please. You are my love, my life." Thorin hugged his hobbit tight. All the feeling that he was not allowed to show was bleeding out like an open wound. "How can I live without my life?"

"Thorin..." Bilbo groaned and stirred, but he wasn’t awake.

Thorin kissed his forehead and sat on the bed, leaning his back against the wooden headboard. Carefully, he moved Bilbo until the hobbit had his head resting on Thorin's lap. The dwarf began to run his fingers through Bilbo's golden hair. His hand was trembling, but he did not care because the doors were locked and no one could see it.

Thorin wanted to stay as close to Bilbo as possible. He wanted Bilbo to know he was there, he wanted him to feel his touch because if he... if the worst were to happen, if all that effort was in vain, Bilbo would not be alone.

"I am here. I'll always be here, my love." he said and took a deep breath. "You want me to sing to you?" Thorin asked whispering.

Bilbo did not answer. Thorin chuckled, but that really looked like a sob – what was ridiculous because Thorin Oakenshield would not cry. Then, he began singing with that deep voice of his.

_"Far over the Misty Mountains cold,_

_To dungeons deep and caverns old._

_We must away ere break of day,_

_To find our long-forgotten gold._

_The pines were roaring on the height,_

_The winds were moaning in the night._

_The fire was red, it flaming spread,_

_The trees like torches blazed with light..."_

Thorin kept humming that song for a long time, cradling Bilbo's head on his lap and running his fingers on his hair. Thorin looked at the door, because if he kept staring at Bilbo's pale face he would break for sure. His mind began to wander. He thought that Bilbo would have liked to see Erebor. With the great halls and corridors under the mountain rebuilt back to its former glory. Bilbo would have been impressed with the place and Thorin would have begged for him to stay in the mountain. Bilbo would have become his consort, his partner, his lover, his love, his beloved. Thorin would have taken him to the mines for a walk and Fíli and Kíli would have made some inappropriate joke about Bilbo and the royal jewels. Thorin would have covered him with sapphires. Yes, sapphires would have matched with the color of his eyes. Sapphires and mithril.

And Thorin would have build a garden for him, because hobbits do like flowers, right? A big garden, just for him. And he would have brought all the tea of Laketown if he asked. He would have given to him hundreds of embroidery silk handkerchiefs because apparently Bilbo was very fond of always having one of those, Thorin thought with a fond smile.

And Thorin would never be the reason of his tears. Never again.

" _I would have done better, I would have listened, I would not have hurt him_." Thorin thought angrily. It's easy to say that when the damage is already done.

"Thorin?" Bilbo murmured again.

"Shhhh." Thorin was still looking at the door.

"Thorin..." Bilbo repeated, his tone was strange. "Where am I?"

The dwarf frowned and looked down. He gasped when he saw two frightened blue eyes staring at him.

"Bilbo!" The dwarf said, not believing what he was seeing.

Not caring that Bilbo could still be angry at him, Thorin hugged Bilbo as tight as it was allowed given his wounds. Thorin hugged his hobbit as if his own life depended on it and buried his face in his neck.

"Thorin!" Bilbo squeaked.

But the dwarf king couldn’t care less. His One was awake!

"May Mahal be praised!" Said Thorin.

He pulled away slightly and cupped Bilbo’s face in his hands. He started laughing.

"Bilbo, my love." He felt something warm and wet on his face, Thorin had not realized he had begun to cry.

“What?” Bilbo said confused.

The hobbit looked around and for a moment he looked very scared and confused.

"Where...?"

"It's okay, we're in Beorn’s House." Thorin said. It was almost impossible to control the wave of happiness that washed over him.

Bilbo looked again into Thorin’s eyes. Bilbo looked so young, small and frail, like a child.

"What happened?" He asked.

Wait a minute.

_Bilbo could not remember?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a surprise!  
> PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> TELL ME IF YOU LIKE THE CHAPTER AND YOUR SUGGESTIONS!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers!  
> I know, I know, almost a year later I finally update this fic.  
> I have no words to say how sorry I am for being so late, thanks everyone who never lost their hope that i would keep writing, and I hope the updates will come more frequently, so stay tuned.  
> About this chapter: Bilbo just woke up, we have some Thorin's feels and Balin being the voice of reason. Again. hahaha. I hope you like it.
> 
> PS - I posted another chapter of "Untamed Heart", so if you haven't read it yet, just check my profile.

_"What happened?" He asked._

_Wait a minute._

_Bilbo could not remember?_

Thorin frowned, he loosened his arms around Bilbo and pulled away gently, enough so the king could look at his face and see all the fear and confusion in the eyes of the little one.

"The orcs... they surrounded us after we escaped from Goblintown. You have been wounded." Thorin said, a bad feeling was growing inside his chest. "Don't you remember?"

Bilbo frowned and looked away, as if he was searching in his mind for the event that Thorin had told him. Thorin kept looking at Bilbo with fear, waiting for the moment when recognition would flood the hobbit's face, the moment that Bilbo would push Thorin away and reject him again, still resentful for all things that Thorin had done. It would be painful, yes, but Thorin would resign himself and respect Bilbo's will. But that moment never came. Bilbo just glanced at Thorin and simply shook his head, seeming to be just confused and tired.

"No... I don't remember. Well, I remember that we got into that cave to protect ourselves from the storm, but anything after that is blurred." Bilbo replied frowning. "Orcs, you said." Thorin nodded "And what about the others, are they alright? Fili and Kili? They had not been injured, were they?" Bilbo asked worried. "What about you, Thorin? Are you hurt?" Bilbo seemed increasingly restless and Thorin instinctively hugged him tighter.

He understood that Bilbo was worried about his nephews and the other dwarves of the company, but Thorin couldn't understand how Bilbo could be worried about _him_. Thorin, of all people? His One was really precious.

"It's okay, Bilbo, we're all right." Thorin shushed him. "The only one who was seriously injured was you."

"Oh." Bilbo replied with a low voice and seemed to calm down a bit.

Thorin was shocked, he couldn't believe what was happening. Bilbo couldn't remember anything, at least not the bad things that had happened in the past few days.

Was this some kind of joke of the gods?

Thorin was brought out of his reverie when he felt Bilbo moving uncomfortably in his arms. It was then that he noticed that he was still holding the hobbit in the possessive cage of his arms. Poor Bilbo, he had no idea why Thorin was doing that and he probably was feeling a bit uncomfortable with this invasion of personal space - after all, he had awakened in the arms of the King who had treated him with indifference as far as he could remember – but Bilbo was too polite to say something about it.

Thorin cleared his throat awkwardly and pulled away, standing up from the bed and trying to put a respectful distance between the two. An uncomfortable silence stretched between them for a while, until Bilbo had started trying to sit up on his own, giving up soon after when it became clear that the effort had been too much for the hobbit.

"Can you help me, please." Bilbo said defeated.

Gently, Thorin helped Bilbo to sit up, placing a fluffy pillow behind him so he could lean against the headboard of the bed somewhat comfortably.

"Want me to go fetch Oin so he take a look at you?" Thorin asked when he saw the expression of pain on Bilbo's face.

"No, I'm fine." Bilbo said with a husky voice. "I'm... I'm so thirsty." Bilbo said, leaning his head against the headboard and closing his eyes briefly.

There was a table in a corner of the room with a pitcher full of water, a small basin and a cup. Thorin walked to the table, poured some of the water in the cup and quickly returned, bringing the cup and offering it to Bilbo who accepted it gratefully.

"Thank you." Bilbo said, taking small sips of water.

When Bilbo finished his drink, Thorin asked if he wanted more, but the hobbit declined. The dwarf took the cup from Bilbo and filled with more water, but this time he left the cup on the nightstand next to the bed, where Bilbo would only have to reach out his hand if he wanted to drink some more.

"How did this happen?" Bilbo asked suddenly, catching Thorin by surprise. "How did I get hurt?"

Thorin winced remembering that fateful day.

"I think this conversation should wait for a more appropriate moment." Thorin replied evasively, not making eye contact with Bilbo. "Once you're completely healed..."

"No, I want to know it now." Bilbo protested, sitting up a little straighter and hissing when the movement caused him pain.

Thorin was by his side in a blink of an eye, helping him to recline against the pillow again.

"Why must you be so reckless?" Thorin told him sternly. "You have a fresh wound, don't you know you can't make sudden movements?"

Bilbo lowered his head like a child who had been scolded and Thorin wanted to kick himself when he saw the effect his words had had on the hobbit. That expression on Bilbo's face was enough to make Thorin remember that none of this would have happened if he had been nice to Bilbo since the beginning. He would never be unnecessarily rude to the halfling ever again.

"I'm sorry." Thorin said, lowering his head regretfully. "I'm sorry if I have upset you, it wasn't my intention."

Bilbo looked a little amazed at those words. _Sorry_ was not a word Thorin would utter very often, so the king could understand the hobbit's surprise.

"It's okay, Thorin." Bilbo said with a half smile, accepting his apology. When Thorin saw that smile, he felt as if a knife had pierced through his heart. Bilbo was so quick to forgive him for that small slip, but would he forgive Thorin when all the memories of everything that had happened finally came crashing upon him? "I'm not upset. I'm _frustrated_ for not remembering how I got this injury." Bilbo continued and then giggled innocently. "I'm sure I could write a great sonnet about it when I finally remember."

There was a moment of awkward silence between the two.

"I think I'm going to let the others know that you're awake." Thorin said, breaking the silence and forcing a smile. "Get some rest. I'll tell Oin to bring your medicine and something to eat."

"Oh, Yes, please. I'm quite hungry." Bilbo smiled.

Thorin nodded and turned around to walk toward the door when Bilbo's voice called him again.

"Er... Thorin...? " The king turned around again. Bilbo who was blushing.

"I wanted to thank you for being here when I woke up." The halfling said, his tone of voice was tentative, as if he weren't sure if he should say what he was saying. "I was still disoriented and you helped me calm down. You are the king of a mountain of gold, and you didn't have to be here taking care of me, a poor hobbit of Bag End. I just wanted you to know that I... well... Thank you, my friend."

Thorin took a deep breath.

"You're welcome, my friend." Thorin replied, feeling his heart shatter into a thousand pieces.

Without saying another word, Thorin marched out of the room, leaving the hobbit alone.

****

The dwarves couldn't be happier. They were all gathered around the dining table, chatting and singing, enjoying a large meal for the first time in a long time. There wasn't meat, but there was bread, fish, baked potatoes and other things that made up for the lack of a good stew. But in addition to having a full stomach and a roof over their heads, they had another reason to celebrate. They were celebrating Bilbo's recovery! Beorn had ensured them that they had given the antidote to the hobbit on time and that Bilbo would recover without major sequels. Their burglar would survive!

It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off their shoulders, the tension of the past few days was gone and now they were in a good mood. Even Gandalf had joined the little party, singing along with them and occasionally taking puffs from his pipe. Beorn just watched his guests from the head of the table, surprisingly happy that his house was so alive. His animals were great companions, but they did not talk very much.

The dwarves were so distracted with that small party going on the dining hall, that they were startled when the king suddenly broke through the door with an unreadable expression on his face.

Thorin told them that Bilbo had awakened, he was talking and alert and apparently he was out of danger. Needless to say that the dwarves were thrilled with the news, especially Fili, Kili and Bofur. But their joy was short-lived when Thorin asked - demanded majestically, that is - that nobody should disturb the hobbit. At least, not for now. The king dismissed the other dwarves while he, Balin, Gandalf and Beorn remained in the dining hall to discuss the current problem: Bilbo's memory loss.

"The poison that the orcs put on their blades is not only meant to destroy the flesh, but the mind of the victim as well." Gandalf mused, blowing a ring of smoke. "I didn't know that."

"In fact, Master Gandalf, it depends on the amount of poison that gets in contact with the victim's blood and the severity of the injury." Beorn added.

"Thank Mahal we managed to administer the antidote in time." Balin said, clearly relieved.

"Yes, he is a very lucky hobbit." Gandalf added. The wizard looked at Thorin who was sat next to Balin across the table, unusually quiet.

"Master Bilbo's injury was superficial, but the amount of poison that came into contact with his blood was bigger than I had thought." Beorn said, watching Thorin - who was visibly tense - with apprehension. The Shapeshifter hastened to clarify. "The venom only made him lose a part of his memory, but he will recover. Believe me when I say that it could have been worse."

"What happens now?" Balin asked, "What can we do?"

"Well... I think he will be fine. His memory will come back, but it might take a while. Just don't force anything, let it come back naturally. Remember, he's still recovering."

Beorn got up from the chair he was sitting at and left the room, saying that he would change into his bear form to search for some more of that rare herb in a distant field. Everyone had agreed that a few more days of treatment with the herb would be beneficial for the halfling's health, especially because the wound was still a bit infected and perhaps, with some luck, the herb could help Bilbo to recover his memory. Gandalf excused himself shortly after, stating that now that Bilbo was out of danger, he felt more comfortable about leaving the company to attend to some urgent matters. Wizards! Always disappearing when they were needed most.

Thorin was still sitting where he was, in silence... thinking. Balin could see that his king was worried about the hobbit. Mahal, all of them had been worried about Bilbo, but Thorin was truly appalled. Balin could see the dark circles under the eyes of the king, his disheveled hair and his rumpled clothes. Thorin was a mess. Since Bilbo had fallen sick, the only thing that Thorin could think about was saving the life of his One, even if that meant he had neglected his own welfare. The worst thing was that Thorin didn't seem any better now that Bilbo was awake and on his way to recovery. Balin sighed and shook his head. He knew exactly what the problem was.

"What could Bilbo possibly have told you that have upset you so badly?" Balin asked “Was he angry at you?”

"No, it was quite the opposite. Bilbo does not remember what I said to him. None of it." Thorin swallowed hard and looked away. "It doesn't matter anymore."

_Mahal! Sometimes Thorin could be so dense!_

"You know, Thorin, there's an old saying that my mother used to tell me since I was a kid: * _'No stone breaks under our hammers if Mahal do not want it to break'_.” Balin told him and Thorin looked at him somewhat confused.

"What do you mean, Balin?"

"Everything that happens has a reason to be, lad." Balin continued. "Perhaps there is a purpose for everything that happened to you two."

The expression on Thorin's face darkened.

"He doesn't remember that I've confessed my love for him. He doesn't remember I told him that he's my One." he said with a wavering voice. "He sees me as a friend now, but as soon as he remembers everything that happened that will also be taken from me." Thorin couldn't hold back the tears anymore and they started to roll down his face. "And I don't even have the right to be angry because I was the one who hurt him. So tell me, Balin, what's the purpose of all this?"

Balin had never seen his king so sad.

"A chance for forgiveness"

"I don't deserve his forgiveness." Thorin's said wiping the tears furiously.

"Aye lad, you deserve it." Balin put his hands on Thorin's shoulders and shook him. " _You deserve it!_ "

"No..." Thorin shook his head "Not after having failed him so horribly."

"We all make mistakes, but not everyone has a second chance to fix them. You have, so take it for what it is, a second chance."

"I don't..." Thorin started to say, but Balin cut him off.”

"I know that now you don't feel worthy of his love, so earn the right to be worthy of his love! When he remembers what happened and the pain that you caused him - if he remembers, that is - he'll know that you did everything you could to redeem yourself. And if he still rejects you - which I doubt - you'll know that _you_ didn't give up on him."

Balin smiled and stood up. He left the room, leaving Thorin alone to think about those words. What Balin had told him made sense. Balin was right.

Bilbo was his One, his soulmate, the one that he would love for the rest of his days. Bilbo could have died, but he didn't, he was alive. That was a second chance Mahal was giving him so that he could fix his mistakes. He would take this chance with both his hands and he would fight.

He would become worth of Bilbo's love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's me again! If you like this chapter, please tell me on the comments.
> 
> PS - * 'No stone breaks under our hammers if Mahal do not want it to break'  
> This saying was based on a saying here from Brazil that my mother always told me: "No leaf falls from a tree if God don't want it to fall.". It means that we should not despair if something bad happens because God always has something good in store for us. I found it a good advice for Balin to give.
> 
> PS 2 - I want Thorin to start the courting process to win Bilbo's heart again, following all the traditions by the letter. I need suggestions for the steps of the dwarf courting and I would love if you could suggest something.
> 
> PS 3 - I'm taking prompts, so if you want me to fill your prompt just follow me on twitter and post it there. You can find me at https://twitter.com/NatOliverAO3  
> I'm waiting for you! ;)

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, tell me on the comments what you think and your ideas. I'm all ears.


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